Feel. Think. Express.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006


For a while, i suppose, all i have been doing is existing. In the sense that what tomorrow brings no longer seems to fascinate me. I remember, it was not always so.

I still remember the sunny morning i woke up to, over fifteen years ago, when my legs weren't tall enough to touch the floor. There have been innumerable mornings ever since, but very few stand out. The older i get, the less fascinating things are. I suppose i could keep myself busy searching for new experience but why do the older ones seem to be less significant? I could easily spend a couple of hours blowing soap bubbles into the air a few years back but now, my enthusiasm for it seems to have waned. If this is what is called growing up, i wonder why anybody would want to?

I ruminated over this as i jogged last night. I suppose jogging got me thinking about this in the first place. When i started out running, every jog was an experience to cherish. Now, it is akin to brushing my teeth. I decided to take a detour, through a neighbourhood i had never been before. The sky was really clear and since the street didn't have any lighting, it looked all the more mysterious. Out of nowhere, like an illusion in the desert, a lovely house came up. My view had been obstructed by trees and suddenly i was looking upon a well lit house with burning candles at every window and a neat and well manicured garden. Following this one were many more houses, each one lovely in its own way. As i jogged past them, i felt strangely good.

Then it dawned upon me. This was probably what according to zen is called thisness. Commonly, it is called being in the moment. I realized the older i get and the more routine my task, my mind seems to fly away. Events and occurences become no longer significant because i was never there in the first place. My mind wasn't present. If you think this is easy, try not thinking about anything. No thought in the head, total silence, just observing what is around. See how long you last. If you did that even for five minutes, i assure you, those five minutes will seem like no other five minutes you have lived through before! Apparently that is what meditation is all about.

It is so easy to be present during what i can only term as moments of beauty. Driving down a beautiful stretch along a highway, a quiet evening with a loved one, a good meal or a jog along lovely homes; they have one thing in common: beauty. It is a concept that a word cannot aptly describe but something you will instantly recognize when you experience it.

I suppose the easiest way, without too much mental strain, to be present is to appreciate the beauty in all that is around. I know people who look up to the sky and smile when they see an aircraft fly overhead. How do you get there?


wanksta said...

There is so much beauty in the world and so little time, we ought to enjoy every ounce of it.

Beauty beauty all around
Heavenly skies to the dusty ground
Dingy dancing across the aquarium,
where passion bloomed,without moratorium
heaving and panting,mouth to hand
too bad,for now you are a settled man

Sometimes, monogamy can be the greatest sin wreaked upon mankind (:

vikram said...

i find things out of the ordinary, things that are very different from my daily life beautiful, not things in it. cause for concern?

do you find anything that you already have beautiful?

p.s. any more poems on me, i am taking your posts off :-)

Anonymous said...

As days pass by, we stopped to appreciate every little things that can make us happy. For example, you would love to wet yourself in the rain, but you are not allowed by your mother during that time. You can do that now, but we are protecting ourself when nature comes to embrace us. We are shielding us from the mother nature. Enough of these little things!. Let's go on to the crux of the matter.

Most of the people tie up the happiness with their goals and ambitions. If they progress well, they will be happy. Otherwise, they won't. Happiness from inside varies from age. For you, the happiness is girls. I mean it is time to find "your girl" and move on with the life. I bet you have already found your girl and you are not ready to admit it. Moreover, you are not ready to take on the responsibility. Being responsible can bring you happiness.

- ???

vikram said...

i do agree that responsibility does give you happiness but provided you are able to shoulder that responsibility well. This is especially true in relationships.

i think it is wrong to look for happiness in relationships. That is not the point of being in one. Granted, relationships are a source of happiness but it is naive to put it as you do.

Happiness can never be pursued as a goal. it is always a by product of some activity. spending time with loved ones is only one such activity.